10 breaking news which will break your hopes from the Indian news industry

In India the boundaries between the NEWS and the ENTERTAINMENT industries have constantly been blurring and Hindi news channels have been the pioneer in bringing about this change. The following headlines splashed as breaking news in various Hindi news channels will tell you why. Read on and be baffled.

P.S. India TV deserves a special mention for their contributions

 

1) Do Aliens drink cow milk ?

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Arrghhhhhh. Anyone with a little common sense knows that aliens generally prefer buffalo milk. If buffalo milk is not available they might end up drinking Cows milk but even then they ensure that they mix two tablespoons of Complan to it.

 

2) Dhoni’s 12 inch will get us the world cup ! Earlier it was 1.5 feet (read bottom ticker)

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Well no doubts about that. A 12 inch will surely get us the world cup (and it did) and more certainly it will get him the Miss Universe too if he so desires.

 

3) Delhi : Commissioners dog found

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Awwwwwwww. Such a heart warming story. So many people who had undergone a fast for the safe return of the dog might have heaved a sigh of relief.

4) Raj Thackeray’s dogs have English names

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Yes this is something very weird. His dogs are fluent in French, Spanish, Marathi, Hindi and speak a bit of German but they can’t speak a word in English. It makes no sense to have English names for the dogs when they don’t even speak the language

5) Shortcut to heaven, The real stairway to heaven

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Well I know a quicker way. How about I clobber you with a hockey stick and then shoot you twice in the head. I will probably end up in hell but you might just reach heaven a bit faster

6) In the darkness of the night this witch asks for onions, If you don’t give her the onions children die

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Oh give her the God damned Onions. Unless your kid is way too irritating 

7) A ghost which steals clothes

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If  it steals only from the rich and then distributes it to the poor, I guess I am ok with it.

8) Is there really a Devil in Sachin’s mind ?

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Yes. It comes out and dances on every full moon night. But only on Spanish songs.

9) The end to Kalyug

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Yayyyy. Bring out your party shoes. Finally all our troubles are over. It’s the time to Disco

10) Delhi witnesses snowfall (One person was carrying ice in his cycle. It wasn’t tied properly. So it fell on the road)

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Someone please tell me this is a photoshopped image. I just can’t take it anymore

 

Image Courtesy

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