16 types of friendzoned guys if they were brands
We dedicate it to the women who although were totally out of league for us but still for whom we have gladly wasted our days, months and even years – thinking one day we will move to the boyfriend zone. But sadly or gladly (depending on how drunk we are) it never happened. So for the men reading this, identify yourself in which friend zone archetypes you fit in, where your friends fit in and tag them before they tag you.
Friendzoned can be defined in a lot of ways but we are keeping it simple to include all those guys who will never get to date that woman.
1) Lifebuoy soap bar (The old hard red bars. Not the new ones)
The Lifebuoy soap bar is a soap that people only use to clean their hands after taking a crap. So this is the guy whom women talk to only when they have shit on their hands – a bad break up, fired from the job, failed a course etc etc. Once she is over the disappointment, you are no longer needed.
2) Paragon Footwear (Chalta rahe bas chalta rahe – carries on just carries on)
The guy who is with her all the time. Its not like she hates him or ignores him on purpose. Just like a chappal he is rarely ever noticed .
3) Kodak (For every moment in her life)
The guy who tags along with a camera, and is there for every moment of her life – from her first outing to the coffee shop to the birth of her grandchildren.
4) Whisper Sanitary Napkins (Mahine ke un paanch dino ke liye – For those 5 days in a month)
The guy who gets to talk to the woman periodically for a certain number of days in a month / year. They probably attend tuition together, or go to dance classes together. It’s only in that period that he gets to talk to her.
5) Bandar Chap Kala Dantmanjan – Monkey Brand Black Toothpowder
This is one brand which hardly anyone is going to use but whenever you hear about it or see it you are going to laugh about it. Similarly this is the guy the woman is never going to talk to but whenever she sees him or talks about him – its only to crack a joke or laugh at him.
6) All out (ek bhi machar aa na paye – not even one mosquito comes near)
This is the sadist guy who knows he will never be in the boyfriend zone and has come to terms with it but still won’t allow any other guy near her. Ek aadmi kya woh toh ek machar ko paas bhanak ne na de.. What is one man, he wont even let a mosquito wander near her.
7) Rail Neer (Indian Railways mineral water bottle)
Sometimes one lucky guy ends up traveling together with the woman in a bus train totally accidentally. She talks to him as she has no option just like Rail Neer – which is only bought traveling in a train because of a lack of options
Amway products are mostly only bought because someone in the family or someone close to you is selling it. So ‘Amway’ is the guy whom the woman talks to, just because he is the son of a family friend or a brother of a good friend.
9) Knockout Pepper spray
This guy is physically very strong – the kind of guy you would only make fun of behind his back. He is just there to accompany the woman and protect her from unwarranted pests
10) Tata Photon (Internet dongle)
This guy also happens to be a very resourceful guy. He has a lot of contacts and he is there to help the woman network. He only gets to talk to her as he is in a senior position than her and has the power to help her career.
11) Ambuja cement (never breaks)
A wall made by Ambuja cement never breaks as there advertisements make us believe. The woman hurls abuses at him, talks shit about him, laughs at him and makes fun of him at every given opportunity but this guy never breaks and never gives up
12) FarmVille or Candy Crush saga
This is the guy who keeps on sending requests and messages – maybe facebook friendship requests or lame SMS forwards and other stuff like that. The woman either blocks him or just ignores him but never talks to him
Like a Saree only used in special occasions, women talk to this guy (mostly one word or one sentence answers to his questions) on some special occasions like Diwali or someone’s wedding.
14) Moov (ahh se aha tak – from aww to wow)
This is the guy who strikes at the opportune moment – when the woman is feeling very low in her life. Maybe a bad breakup or some other depressing thing. He brings her back to life and when she is over the depression, she moves on. He meanwhile searches for a new target.
15) Country Club Fitness & Vacations
This is the guy who got lucky once – just talking not otherwise. Like Country club vacations it’s just a comedy of circumstances which got her interacting with him and henceforth all his overtures are ignored.
This guy is the boyfriends friend. She only tolerates you because she loves her boyfriend. Trust me they have had fights over you.